Thursday, May 18, 2017
Day Six.... Today I noticed..
Why do feelings not match reality sometimes? Why is it that we can bend the signs to fit what we want and not what is really happening? Why is it that when we become more enlightened we also become more powerful at controlling our circumstances... and not to our benefit.
Thats the responsibility that comes along with enlightenment, the more you abuse your new powers the more you get slapped by universal law. Sometimes those smack downs are incredibly painful and life shaking.
I ask myself over and over again how do I let go. I ask myself over and over again how do I move forward? I am trying to learn to hold on to my visions and not be like a feather floating on the wind anymore because I want to create something of substance in my life but I don't know how to work at something when challenges get in the way.
When are the challenges telling us the path is not a worthy one and when do we view the challenges as needed obstacles to strengthen us? How much time are we willing to waste on a particular path before we have to back up all the way to the beginning to start all over again?
Today i noticed i am building courage and self love on a deeper level. I am not as swayed by another actions and more in tune with what I know to be real within me and that knowledge brings me peace and truly thats the feeling I want these days... Love and Peace.
I dont know where my path is taking me but I do know that even in the pain there is a level of comfort knowing it is for a greater purpose. Gone are the feelings of suffering and truly my situation has not changed just my perception of it. Why did my perception change? Because no matter how I felt about what was happening between the Lion and I whenever we met up in person it was always different from how I felt in my imaginations.
Sometimes its better and sometimes it worse then what I imagined and sometimes it reinforces my beliefs and sometimes it destroys them all together. I feel crazy most of the time and the rest of the time i feel grateful just to still be able to be in his presence when the universe see's fit to put us together for a moment or two.
I believe my sacrifice has come and I am willing to have just mere moments with him at the expense of anything less then because I cannot tolerate being less then with someone else, all I do is judge the situation and compare it to how the Lion makes me feel .... and those experiences never compare.
So until the cosmic design pulls us apart I will be grateful for just moments of his time and hopefully a thought or two sent in my direction will feed my soul and passion enough. Until I can have him deeply within me, I shall fill my passion with my Jeep and building my dreams because i have a sneaky feeling when and if I do get a good crack at Leo it will only be for a short time before he will be off and running again... best to keep a good hold of my own life during the process.
Today I noticed.... I am much stronger.