Monday, April 3, 2017

Welcome to My Twisted Mind

Rejection breeds obsession.

Tony Robbins said this in one of his youtube videos that caused the golden chimes of heaven to ring in my ears like a brass gong sounds off and vibrates through the hearts of monks.

Rejection causes this cataclysmic chain of events to domino in my life.  I go apeshit when someone takes the banana away from me.

Leo the Lion played the rejection game better than any other douche bag I know.  Do I hate him for it?   Sadly the answer to that is no. 

 Rejection breeds obsession and even when the obsession is gone I am left feeling like if he could create such huge drama within me where no other guy has before then who is he, I want to know him even more.   

Is that fucked?   Sure is.   Am I acting on it?  Hells No!

Learning to manage one's mind is a lesson for every single person in the world and to the obsessive, it's a deeper harder lesson to work through.   I am allowing my thoughts to play because as fucked as it is, I still feel a connection to him that I want to believe(checked; belief doesn't hurt me) is a bit different than other connections I have had.

I can usually tell right away how a situation is gonna play out with a guy.  Through experience, Empathy and Hypersensitivity.  We all can read how a guy makes us feel and for many of us we can know how that could escalate on both sides of the love and fear coin.  Playing the tape to the end, so to speak.    This ability for me is a blessing and a curse because it will have me cut someone out within the first meeting or two even though the attraction is crazy good because of what fear he could bring to the table.

If a guy makes it to a third date or more then there is a deeper connection that is created.  Every attracted man and woman will create an energetic bond if they both want that.  Once a bond is created, however short timed it is, sometimes it's hard to break.  Again even if it is a short time.  For the obsessive people that bond gets wicked strong wicked fast and I use wicked twice because it's a fear bond not a love bond and those bonds are crazy strong.

So in my dating years, I really only made a couple bonds, all the rest of the guys I have dated have been nothing but passing the time hotties.  This one is not a passing time hottie.  This one fell in love with me and bonded with me when I was in my brightest light.   But then quickly I fell victim to my own dark fears and ruined all there was between us.

It's the truth I own it.  And his rejection created such a strong obsession in me that it even scared me.  That's why as the obsession wears off and my focus moves back into my life and the obsession lets go of its grip on me I am still left with that base bond we created in a loving vibration.

Do I think there is still hope for us?  Maybe.  Who knows where the wheel of fortune is gonna turn in this one.  It is the first time ever I have had no sense of control over the situation or the guy.  This is a first for me and with all firsts, I never ever do them gracefully.  

So to survive this I must move my focus back into my life and create a reality I want to thrive in.  I know now that to get what I truly want I am gonna have to work at it.   The work in this love arena is the final letting go of obsession and addiction that has plagued my life for seven years now.  

This cycle is broken.

Learning to live without the Obsessive/compulsive label and refocussing on five streams of income to flip my broke ass over to a rich bitch is where this blog must go now.  I am sad to see it leave my love story but in truth, it really isn't leaving it.... it's doing the work necessary to achieve the true results I want in this category....

........  And that's a Harlyquin Romance that leads into a life long partnership.  Where the love is real, the acceptance complete, The strength of self is evident, the passion intense and where the combined creations are out of this world Great.   I know I will be attracted to this man and his attraction will be equal to mine....   

Because what you are seeking is also seeking you, it can be no other way, its the law of attraction and it cannot be denied.

So until that fateful day arrives I will focus on this Twisted Mind.

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