It is so odd the turn of events that happen in ones life and the power behind our own projections.
I have been giving some thought lately to what we project on to others and what others project on to us. Have you ever said something to someone that wasn't really your style or energy of words to say. A statement or a response to a question that you felt were not your true beliefs but they flowed effortlessly from your mouth anyways?
That is what living someone else's projections feel like. We say or do something that is out of character for ourselves in the presence of someone who has a stronger energy force then us or who has a karmic lesson that needs to be played out and you were the person that agreed to play it out with them.
I have come to realize that I have been super imposing my desire for love and affection on a person who is enlightened on the same level as me. It is hard for me to find love sometimes. I am a highly sensitive person that can see things in people that most people do not care to know and yet my inability to hold that in to myself causes some huge issues with my fiends. The reason I have such few people close to me.
I loved that Mr. Crazy beautiful could stay close to me. That love however caused me to over look and create some seriously blaring red flags in our relationship.
This whole blog is a manifestation of that desire but apparently as I found out last night, not the truth of what was actually occurring in reality.
You see I would project so strongly my desires to be with him that he would say words or statements that he never felt comfortable saying but would in the presence of me. He would act in ways that were uncomfortable for him in real time but camping or holidays he would allow to occur because they were out of context to his day to day life. These were all my projections super imposed over his desires.
I am stronger energetically.
I always choose men weaker then me and then feel so shocked when I come to realize I have manipulated them in some form. I really believed this guy was different. I went out of my way to not control the friendship to allow it to develop on its own time in its own way. I didn't understand how my energy was still leading his and he was getting so much out of it that he was okay to just follow suit.
I did study a bit about gas-lighting and how much of this was my work and how much does he need to assume responsibility for. Cause true to my broken girl nature I do take responsibility for everyone part in the drama's we play together. I am learning that not all of this is my creation that we co-create with the people around us.
Mr. Crazy Beautiful is an entrepreneur and an opportunist and will jump on a gravy train when he see's one. I am a source of unlimited energy as I have learned to tap this. Which is not entirely true because I have been drained out twice by this guy. You would have thought I learned my lessons then.
So once and for all Mr. Beautiful Crazy is out of my life and I am not sure now what that means for this blog. I am not sure I really believe in twin flames anymore. I was taught there are actually 144 manifestations of your twin. Which brings that concept so high in the clouds that really it grounds it back into this reality as the concept of..... everyone plays a part in your drama.
So many my beliefs will just move into a place of enjoying this life and stop looking so deep for answers that are truly unnecessary to my Play on earth.
I knew that that big red screen and the hack job on this site last week was a message from someone looking out for me. Mr. Crazy Beautiful was Hacking my soul. Terrible feeling that one. But the beauty of who I am.... I can just shut that shit off and move on. People that say I have a letting go problem are sorely mistaken..... for that I am a master at!
So until next time happy days my friends!!
Follow The White Rabbit.....