Monday, August 29, 2016

The Spell Of the Twins

By Knot of One,
This Spell Is Restrung

By Knot Of Two
Our Next Step Through

By Knot of Three
Let Us and God Be in Harmony

By Knot of Four
Guide Us Through The Door

By Knot of Five
We Shall Both Thrive

By Knot of Six
Spin Love Into The Mix

By Knot of Seven
This Spell Will Leaven

By Knot of Eight
Within The Flow We Will Create

By Knot of Nine
From Water to Wine, Let it Reverse
Now is That Time!


Follow the White Rabbit.....

Friday, August 19, 2016

Miss me To Love Me

He needs to miss me.    I mean, I have to let him miss me.

I have been reading blogs about Twin flames and Empath lovers and I came across this great question posted by  a sad lady in a once great empath relationship.   Her question was how to keep the energy clear and good and not fall into a dark place together where its impossible to get out of.

I think truly that all romances face this whether empathic or not, but when high frequency connections are also at play it does become of the utmost importance to keep your energy clear if you want to stay off that static path.

I wanted to tell her to go have angry sex.

But I didn't.  Angry sex would work though.  it would release the lower vibration through a great naughty orgasm and leave them both in each others loving embrace.  But I didn't post that.  People find my solutions a bit too left field I am finding.

But back to letting Mr. Beautiful Crazy have some time away from me so he can miss me.   This is a new awareness that sparked over the past couple days.  The original reason for pulling energies back is so that we could both focus on our own lives as we tend to get very drawn into each other very deeply and really accomplish nothing when hooked in.  

So I taught him how to clear his chakra's and how to block my energy and how to contain his own.  That has been a wonderful lesson this past few weeks.  Elevated our relationship tenfold.   I am free to joke with him now as we are not so sensitive to each other.   It's truly great.

But now why the missing me part?

We text each other all day long everyday.  truly its quite ridiculous I am sure or maybe its not, but for our minds to be tied up that much into each other is too overwhelming for us.  But to stay tethered is a must.

We truly are miserable without each other......  and thats not a "We are both afraid to be alone" kind of miserable.... no its more like all our gifts leave us and we are kinda lifeless without each other.  We can be happy and even thrive, but its without super powers and incredible highs.  Neither one of us want to go back to that life, we want each other, we want the better version of ourselves.

I am trying to shift the relationship out of Super Natural Twin Flame Union stuff into something more tangible and real.   So I am learning how to flirt.

Ugh.  I said it.  Yup I am learning how to flirt.  How to be Cute and Coy.  How to invoke his deepest man instincts,  to want to ravage me.   Boys are so simple I am learning.  They need to know whats in it for them, as soon as they have that motivation they are all yours, on all levels.

I have Mr. Beautiful Crazy on so many levels it is ridiculous.  We are so crazy connected I can barely stand the connection sometimes.   But I haven't been able to turn him on.  Like Fuck, for real, he couldn't see me in that way no matter how I tried to explain the elevation our relationship would take if we could go there.  I felt like Amy Farrah Fowler with my explanations.    

And its not my features, I have ran out and physically experienced this many multiple times since meeting him two year ago..... men are attracted to me, this I am comfortable with.  But  two years later I still sit in the friend zone.  A wild in love friend zone that life times together has been discussed, but friend zone none the less.   My lips are not okay with this.

This guy could be my forever, he really could and most likely is....    If I could get him to have angry sex with me!!     lol   Not a joke even.

 That is mad passion to be ravaged like that.  But in order to get there he has to be wildly turned on by me.

So above all the superficial stuff that he may need, there needs to be some space.... some time away.... he needs to want you, miss you.... then NEED you.

Do I fear he will just find some easy chick like I used to be to fill the need?   Yup, I sure do.  He has  talked about it before, with his landlady below him who is ten years younger then him.  Yup I worry about that, it could happen.   But fuck that, he is so into me that he would want to save that for me.

The guy loves me, this I do not doubt.  In so many ways he loves me.   He WANTS to love me in that way as well.

So I am giving him space, not texting ..........and talking to you instead.   I actually even feel good and excited about this, of course its only a few moments into my .....a 'la resistance'.

So maybe I will stay and lurk around here for a bit.  

Follow The White Rabbit.....

Monday, August 15, 2016

3D Twin Flame Landing

I am coming to you live from Mr Beautiful Crazy's. 

His laptop is as old as the hills and reminds me of when I first started blogging and was using an old Toshiba and it would always overheat half way through my posts.  The days I was poor.  My boyfriend is just getting on his feet..... he is poor for right now.

So what is so important to write about that it couldn't wait until I get home tonight?

What is the natural flow of a relationship?  What is the natural rhythm of an individual person and how do you connect two personal rhythms together?   Is this the chemistry they speak of in the lovers corner?

I am learning that I know very little about the process of letting someone into my personal inner world.  I know very little about Romance and Love.  I know even very little about being a good connected friend.  I have been so disconnected for myself for so long that I see now what I thought I had for connections with friends were nothing more the surface hugs.

I called Mr Beautiful Crazy my boyfriend because I need to start trying out that word.  That concept is something I desperately want from him but its something that feels like it is a bit out of reach for both of us.  And I am not really certain I understand why.

I am coming from two paths of thought on this contemplation.  One is that from this path here of Twin Flames and all I have read about them and how the process plays out.  The other direction I come from is that of dating Guru Cristian Carter.  Man I love that guy and all he writes about attraction and the do's and donts of titillating an mans hormones.

I am not sure really which one is worse, but I know that my relationship as a Virgo woman hooking up with an Aquarius man, its definitely not following any outlines written anywhere. 

Not having a good parameter to contain my thoughts to is wreaking some havoc, not on my friendship because Mr. is really laid back in allowing me my uncomfortable awkward comments and emotions,  but on my own mind and heart.

You see me and my twin are for sure life partners.  I know this without a shadow of a doubt, and its this knowing that keeps me tied into him.  Our whole lives have paralleled each other.  This is not because we have bent the truth of who we are to fit a diagram of how we are suppose to look as a Twin Flame couple.  No it rolled out more like mild jolts of shock as we got to know each other and continue to do so, to find out we were in the same spots the same times in life, right down to physical locations.  Its those things that make me realize we have always walked hand in hand energetically since birth and that time has proven already that we will continue to do so until death now.

So does that mean we will fall madly in love and all will be till death do us part?

I thought it would when I stumbled onto this realization a year ago.  But it has not went down like that.  I shouldn't say that marriage isn't on the table for us.  But I do know today we are still in the friend zone, but wildly in love with each other and growing daily.  We are in the healer/healed category a lot as we are both wholistic healers.  We often fall into teacher/student zones for many of our rants and lectures.  We could almost pass for brother and sister in our comfort levels energetically and our deep understanding of where we both came from.... which is deeper then just the physical realm here.     So we are easily all these things to each... but Lovers.

This is why I sought out Cristian Carter the Love Doctor.   Bringing our relationship out of the spiritual realm of Twin Flames into the real world of broken hearts and twisted words I need some help.

Mr. Beautiful claims to not be attracted to me.  I understand this to be a simple truth on a few levels for a couple different reasons.  The first one and the biggest one......, is we are rarely attracted to what is gonna change us.

That would be why throughout the course of our friendship we have both struggled with this chemistry between us.   The  rhythm of who he is and where he has been at during our friendship was not conducive of a romantic relationship.  When we met he needed a friend to pull him out of his own self created hell.  I could do that for him as I had been there and could recognize him and what he needed.

After he came out of that place we had some amazing Connections, Chemistry and perfectly matched Rhythm.  It was a Tantric union that elevated my world.  

However that moment in time seems so brief and long ago I wonder if it was a figment of my imagination.  This might be where the Flame Guru's speak about staying present through all of this Twin Flame union process and not run away.  I have tried to run, but in truth I never get far and now I am really done running cause in truth I just dont have the energy to fight whats happening between us.... even if it is extremely uncomfortable at times and other times down right painful.

So as I am writing I was going to continue on with the advice of the love doctor, but I am not sure that is a wise energy play for me.  I think feeling sexy and understanding how a mans mind works is important and a fun study but to feel like tis me that Mr. doesn't want is ludicrous.   ..........And that is where my mind is this morning as I come to you from his new scarcely furnished apartment.

We are life partners we both agree on this.  For today that must be enough for me.  because both him and I need to focus on our lives and getting stable before we can be anything more to each other.   He is though however.... my boyfriend.  Why?  Cause I have always wanted one and that needs to be a part of my reality right now.  To define that....... its personal to me and it hurts no one to feel that. 

So thank you for listening to my full circle plea for boy girl pairing advice..... this old mind of mine definitely has a way of getting lost in the forest of the dark heart.   I am in wild love today, with a man that is beyond the scope of my understanding walking into a future that is entirely uncertain for both of us.....

and that is the way it is suppose to be....

Follow the White Rabbit......

Monday, August 8, 2016

Spider Eats This White Rabbit... the Trail Runs Cold, Sorry Folks.

Do you ever feel like your on a spiral rising up or slipping down... as you move you seem to keep repeating the same thing over and over again.  Each time a little different, if your going up its a little easier to get through, everything is a little clearer.... but on the way down it is a little worse each time?

That is the spiral Merlin and I have been on for seven years and about four rungs of elevation.   Each time we are more distant and less connected to each other.  We try, definitely not for lack of trying, to bring that connection back but it never works and off we go again into our own lives across the oceans from each other.

Do I believe he is my twin flame still?

Yes and No.

He absolutely is the man that invoked the Twin Flame path for me.  Had I been able to skip all my pain and processing and just walk into my new life with him when he showed up the first time,  him and I would be writing books about the subject.   But I couldn't accept what he was giving me at that moment.

I couldn't see what he was to me at that time.  I knew he was a Twin and that my psychic abilities sky rocketed during our time together, actually all my gifts did.  I felt stuff i had no concept of.  I was opened and awakened at an accelerated rate.  I was for sure falling wildly in lust with him.  But I had just left my children.  It didn't matter I had left my husband it was not a love match anymore and maybe had never been, so the heart was open for Merlin, that was not the issue.... my children were, and my heart was shattering into a million pieces at that very moment in time.  

Merlin became my fantasy, nothing more.

I was in too much pain to see him as anything but.   Love would not have been in my understanding to see at that time.   I had never known love,  but through being a mother, not the love of a man.  That was foreign,  actually any other love but my children's love for me was foreign.

It was only After Merlin was forced to walk away from me that I seen him for what he was too me.

He was what I had dreamed of since I was a child.  he was what God had promised me once I finished all his work.  I never knew it could show up that fast and in the midst of the worst pain I had endured in my adult years.  I was so blinded.

I have spent seven years feeling like I  missed my chance with what God had created for me, specially for me.   I have spent that last seven years with merlin in my dreams every night.  In this pages every day.  Trying desperately to tell God I fucked up.  But it was useless, I see now.

Because,  again I was to be proven wrong when Mr. Beautiful Crazy walked into my life.

I learned recently through a Mary Magdalene healing course that there are many many many manifestations of our Twin Flame.... (and truly every other manifestation you want to occur but feel you missed out on).   That means in truth if you miss the first opportunity another one will be along and in the honest truth an even better manifestation of it.

Mr. Beautiful Crazy has taken so much fucking work.... Like O.M.G. kind of work.   The past seven years have been a terrible amount of work and suffering.  I really didn't need to go through all of this to find profound happiness, but I did.

My belief that I need to feel pain before I can be happy held me in a seven year cycle.  Which was not necessary but in truth I am okay with my decision.   I love Mr. Beautiful.  He is so worth the work.... way more so then Merlin ever was.

Now lets be honest I have no idea how Merlin and I would have played out.  But I do know the feelings I have for Mr. Beautiful are much much much more real and grounded in something tangible in my world.

So as I work through a womb clearing program to help me release all my past lovers I find Merlin resurfacing and exiting in the same page in my book.

The dual between the dragon and the Spider that has been going on for well over five years came to an end today.   I said goodbye to the spider that came into my life for a short period of time.  I released the little fucker out into the wild.

And then I stepped on him.

I do not want a replay spiral for another seven years NO thanks.   I have taken what Merlin the spider has gifted me.... the written word.  But now I am fully accepting Mr. beautiful, the Dragon and His teachings for me.

........And deep in the bottom of my heart where no one ever gets a peek... I hope those teachings turn into a Tantric Nature and the Dragon cant get enough of Me for the rest of his Natural life on this planet.