What an emotional whirlwind my unhealthy mind has been on. I had no idea that embarking on my Twin Flame Story would involve so much self healing.
I have been on the road to recovery since Merlin set me on my path seven years ago. It seems fitting that seven year cycles carry us to new levels, but sometimes its painfully slow. These past seven years since meeting my beloved first manifestation of my twin flame have been one of recovery from dependencies. Crutches that helped me get through my days lost in misery of cycling childhood trauma's. I really had no idea at that point, that I was so lost.
It is not until we have been found that we see the truth of where we are at. And I surely was in a pit of shame then.
Thank the Gods, I am not there anymore. This new moon in Aquarius on the New Year of the Chinese Monkey is bringing me into intense awareness that once again the layers of the female Vagina( which from hence forth I will call Yoni) are being peeled back another layer.
As I go deeper into myself to find my Twin Flame I am finding there is some pretty deep wounds that need to be healed in order to manifest the full version of my twin flame. My Mr. Beautiful crazy is but the second of many manifestations sure to come my way to honor and uplift my spirit into the true human divinity that it belongs in.
Mr. Beautiful Crazy has brought me to Tantric orgasm. (Orgasm of full body, mind and spirit simultaneously) After reading a very impressive article (http://manifestdestinytriforce.blogspot.ca/2015/09/the-science-of-stress-orgasm-and.html) about the female Yoni fight or flight responses. I understand on a deeper level how much trauma is stored in our muscles, cells and folds of our beautiful bodies. I understood this truth as a weight loss consultant.
Muscle and fat holds emotions that have been stored for later release. When women lose weight they sometimes find themselves dealing with many issues that they had buried along the course of their lives. On the flip side muscles remember the last time they were at their fittest and if one stops working out for any amount of time... even years, it only takes only six weeks for your muscles to remember and get back to their best performance shape.... if still in prime years of course.
So it made tremendous sense that sexual trauma can get trapped in the folds of a woman's beautiful Yoni. Working that trauma out takes much patience and self love to move through the physicality of the Yoni muscle.
That is the emotional whirlwind my mind has been on recently. Making logical sense of a concept that has no business in the mind at all.
My latest manifestation of My twin flame who I fully understand to not be my final manifestation has showed me a tremendous amount of love and compassion for who I am and where I have been in my life. He is solid in the friend zone but momentary lapses in sexual rawness has had him bring me to orgasmic levels I have only read about in books.
Taking a lover... which is still in the story but for another post... has actually provided a counter balance to my unhealthy fashion with men up until this point. I have been the pound me hard and fast and get it over with kinda girl for a very long time. Satisfying myself with mere crumbs to keep myself in that comfort of shame, I have learned to survive and even thrive in quiet well.
I look around me and see how many of my friends... which are mainly women... are satisfied with mere crumbs in the experience of Yoni Love. We are a society fed by commercials that are now fully pornographic in nature. Created by men who have very little sensitivity in there penis's and no real connection between there mind and genitals like us women do. The Yoni on the other hand, is nothing but a circuit of nerve endings connected to her heart and mind. Women in porno's are women touched with trauma. ...... and these broken women have become the super heroes of the females sexual nature??
Mr. Beautiful Crazy, without realizing what he is doing is teaching me the truth about my Yoni and in essence the truth about what makes my heart and soul sing at the very moment of an orgasmic release. I had no concept that I was but living off crumbs until this man unwittingly let himself go, in all his masculine energy in my bed one night.
I now know that I have placed my foot firmly into the next seven year cycle. This cycle will be about peeling back the layers of my gorgeous Yoni and exploring deeply the traumas not only inflicted upon me in this life, but lifetimes of trauma not only for my feminine to emerge but that of my ancestors all the way back to the beginning of time when women were put down and held down for fear of the power a woman in her full Twin flame energy might manifest.
I may see a few different manifestations of my twin flame before this seven year cycle is up. But in truth I just hope this current twin flame in my life can grow and evolve with me and I will not need to continually move from one man to another to gain the fullness I need to become whole within myself. But I do understand it takes a village to raise a child and to expect one man to fill every need of a complex woman is to continue to live in that pornographic shame mentality.
Learning to flow with the true nature of things is more the focus of one learning to slowly peel back the layers of her Yoni. I invite you to journey with me as I expose myself and unearth the amazing female power that resides in all woman since the beginning of time.