Sunday, November 22, 2015

The Separation.


It was a clear sparkling evening standing up on the cloud that night.  The stars were extra vibrant and everything felt so much more raw, then usual.   I held tightly to his hand.  So tight, in fact, imagine a vice grip crushing the bones in your knuckles, kinda tight.

"Love, it will be the last time, I promise."  "Please, Love.   We have to go now".  His voice deep and dark like his features.  He had a way of rolling his words from the back of his throat, creating this vibration that made me weak in the knees. 

 He moved to step off the cloud, but I pulled him back. Not budging.

I was so angry at him.  Seething, actually.  I knew better.  He was just trying to soothe me.  He knew it was gonna be hell compared to here.  He knew that taking that step meant so much more then he was willing to allow me to indulge in.  He knew if he didn't take that step fast, I would stall us there for all of eternity.

As much as I wanted to do that, his logic,  unspoken,  flashed truths behind my eyes.

We had a contract to fulfill.   I hate the contracts, they are like courses in the school of Life.    I had already fulfilled multiple contracts, I was done.  I had paid my dues.  I was tired.   I just couldn't do this last life.  

Contracts are hard.  The lessons the soul needs to evolve take a certain amount of pain.  The Contract I was up against was full of  abuse, neglect, abandonment, and limited guidance.   Damn, why had I save the toughest for the last??

"No, Merlin, Please"  I begged with every once of feeling energy I had.  Tears poured off my face.  "Not again, please, lets just stay here, connected, In love.  I cant go back, Love.  I cant lose you again, Please. I wont survive the separation this time.   Please"  I was on my knees by this time.  Pulling him back onto the cloud and into my arms.

"Kitty,  Kitty" He purred stroking my blonde locks.  "we have no choice, you know this.  It wont be long love.  I do promise you this...."  he looked deep into my eyes cupping my face between his massive hands.  " I will search the planet to find you, Kitty.  I will not forget you this life.  I will keep my soul knowledge, it's in my contract.  I will find you and bring you out of that life.  You will know happiness this time.  I promise you this my sweet sweet girl."  

The warmest, soothing, inviting smile broke across his face.  He always is the opposite of me.  My polar balance.  The Light to my darkness, The positive to my Negative.  The action to my procrastination.   Goddess knew how much I loved him.

But I still didn't want to go.  Not down there.  No matter how beautiful it looks with its sparkly fake lights and its glamour and mirrors.  No matter how fun the drama is and what an amazing feeling pain can be.  I still don't want to be separated from my soul.  I don't want to struggle and live a half life without him, even if he is promising to find me.  Him and I both know once we enter life all memories of this will be wiped clean.

Lost in my anger and resistance, I didn't see him take that step off the cloud.  With one last look he was gone.  Just like that,  he disappeared from my sight. 

I rushed to the edge of the cloud to watch him free falling to earth.  Trailing so much excitement and happiness behind him.  Oh man,  where does he find the joy!  I disliked how happy he was to be going back into the drama pit. It was infuriating that this was so easy for him.

I could still feel his love all over me, coaxing me to join him.  Soothing me with his reassurance that this was it and we would find each other again.  Suddenly my heart felt like it was ripping from my chest.  Searing pain was shooting separation pangs deep into my emotional body.

In my blinding pain I was being sucked off the cloud.  All self will was lost to me as my twin soul had already incarnated and his contract was now binding me to mine.   No amount of thought or worry would have ever stopped this process.  Everything was rushing by me so fast as I hurdled towards earth.

Then in a sweet feeling of complete loss of control, I surrendered to the fall and everything went black.

And just like that.....

I woke up.

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